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From xinhuanet, which may or may not be true:
Thousands of dolphins blocked the suspected Somali pirate ships when they were trying to attack Chinese merchant ships passing the Gulf of Aden, the China Radio International reported on Monday.
The important question at hand: Who’s defecting, the ChiComs or the dolphins?!
Dorothy posted this at 5:17 PM EDT on Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
A step in the right direction:
Tigers can no more change their stripes than leopards can change their spots. That’s a good thing too, for their unchanging patterns, as individually distinct as a human fingerprint, make it easier to track any single tiger over time. That process is about to become even simpler with a computer programme that creates a three-dimensional model of a tiger’s skin and can compare different shots of an animal taken at different times or angles.
The software is available for free download. You owe it to your children to know everything about the tigers in your neighborhood.
Tom posted this at 4:22 PM EDT on Thursday, March 12th, 2009 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
They’re banning pet chimps. On the one hand, this is stupid legislation that addresses a non-problem, and in a rational world Congress wouldn’t bother itself with this. On the other, any minute this Congress doesn’t use to increase spending is a minute well spent. Remember Franklin’s words: A trillion saved is a trillion earned.
Apollo posted this at 3:56 PM EST on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 as An Insult to Drunken Sailors, Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
A useful propoganda outlet in the current war against The Vile Insurgents.
Jamie posted this at 2:32 PM EST on Friday, February 6th, 2009 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
This was no boating accident.
This calls for immediate decisive action on the part of the U.S.A (United Sapien Alliance) – but does Obama have the stones?
Jamie posted this at 10:43 AM EST on Thursday, January 29th, 2009 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
A year ago, I blogged about the noble efforts of a team of crack dolphin warriors off the coast of Scotland who were fight an asymmetrical battle against harbor porpoises. During this time, humanity has also been under constant, growing threat from the Beastly Monarchy, especially the devious celaphopods (I am not alone in my fear of these foul, green-blooded fiends).
Now, in a righteous show of fraternity with their sapien allies, the dolphins have begun coordinated attacks against the slimy fiends while demonstrating their affinity for our human tastes and habits:
Julian Finn, Tom Tregenza and Mark Norman (the trio who first described the amazing mimic octopus) have discovered a single female bottlenose, who has developed a way of hunting cuttlefish. Not only does she successfully capture them, but she has learned how to prepare them for the perfect meal, with all the skill of a master chef…
Its technique was always the same. First, she flushed the cuttlefish out from its hiding place among the dense brown algae. Once it was exposed among open sand, she dived downwards and pinned it to the floor with her beak. With a powerful beat of her tail and a twist of her body, she jabbed downwards with a sharp thrust that killed the cuttlefish instantly. The thrust breaks the cuttlebone, a hard structure inside the cuttlefish’s body; it snaps so violently that nearby divers can clearly hear the click.
Having killed her prey, the dolphin still had to prepare it. Cuttlefish ink mostly consists of a pigment called melanin that can block digestion in the stomach and the ability to detect certain chemicals. So getting rid of the ink would make the meal both tastier and easier to digest, and the dolphin did that by lifting the dead cuttlefish and repeatedly beating it with her snout. Every pummel sent clouds of ink shooting from the carcass.
When that stopped, the dolphin allowed the cuttlefish back to the sand, where she raked its back along the ocean floor. That flayed the skin off its back and released the broken cuttlebone. The dolphin effectively deboned her prey and as the cuttlebone floated away, she finally settled down to eat her well-won catch.
I implore President Obama to make good on his promises of a new kind of diplomacy and to begin negotiations for an alliance with our bottle-nosed buddies immediately. With the polar bears already joined with us, we will prevail.
Ceterum censeo Regnum Bestiarum esse delendum!
Tom posted this at 5:25 PM EST on Monday, January 26th, 2009 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back, CHANGE!
In much the same way that Iraqis were once willing to put aside their differences to fight the Coalition, new intelligence shows that long-time schisms within the Animal Kingdom have been aside in their fight against humanity.
It’s only a matter of time before otters start riding ostriches. Ceterum censeo Regnum Bestiarum esse delendum!
Tom posted this at 9:11 AM EDT on Friday, September 26th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
Its seems that the Animal Threat has trained a crack team of amphibious bears, no doubt in response to such highly trained units as the Navy SeALs or Marine Recon. These Ursine Special Forces open up a new front of gorilla (yes, intended) style tactics, and secret teams of highly trained animal units.
God help us if they ever field a Panda Special Air Service Regiment.
Jamie posted this at 2:40 PM EDT on Thursday, September 11th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
We’ve just discovered that here in Texas there are flying roaches. They launched aerial attacks on my wife this evening as she tried to read.
The flying roaches have now discovered that I have purchased some new weaponry, a hand-held bug zapper similar to this. 2300 volts says the handle (actually, says “2300V VOLTS,” whatever that means), “THIS IS NOT A TOY.” For $8 at Wal-Mart and a AA battery, plainly it is.
After I discovered the intruder, the first swat created a bright blue spark and left him walking in circles. Then I hit him with a second electrified swat, which left him largely motionless except for some twitches. Then I hit him again, which got him caught up in the webbing of my swatter and caused a funny smell. He was still twitching, so I pressed the shock button, which made him twitch differently. I’m not an expert on insect nervous systems, so I couldn’t tell whether his twitches were post-mortem or the result of continued life. Shock. Watch. Twitch. Shock. Watch. Twitch. Shock. Watch. Twitch. Shock. Nothing.
Then I took the opportunity to point out to Dorothy some of the things that distinguished him as being Blattaria. Rounded head, segmented abdomen, overlapping wings, all those spines on his back legs. Then he twitched. So he went down the hole.
Apollo posted this at 2:41 AM EDT on Sunday, August 31st, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back, Vignettes
From Florence King:
Animal rights activists gives disillusioned feminists an excuse to go back to being women protecting wee creatures without compromising their radical credentials.
(H/T)
Hubbard posted this at 6:46 PM EDT on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back, The Right Words
Yeah, those pandas are gonna die.
Knut posted this at 3:08 PM EDT on Wednesday, June 25th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
This fight, monkey vs. tiger, shows why monkeys make for the most amusing fights.
Apollo posted this at 4:02 AM EDT on Sunday, June 8th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
MSN.com doesn’t know that my birthday is in October, so they posted some animal vs. animal videos in June.
Flamingo vs. Baboon (Go monkey, go monkey, go!)
Centipede vs. Snake (These two should both lose, but the ending is funny)
Bat vs. Catfish (This one doesn’t end how you think it will, unfortunately)
Apollo posted this at 8:31 PM EDT on Monday, June 2nd, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
Our worst fears realized.
(CNN) — Monkeys with sensors implanted in their brains have learned to control a robot arm with their thoughts, using it to feed themselves with fruit and marshmallows.
Tom posted this at 9:47 AM EDT on Thursday, May 29th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back, Toaster Update
Imagine that a Great White shark and a Bengal tiger are going to fight to the death. How many inches of water are needed for the shark to win?
I could take ‘em both. But that’s because I’m cool like that.
Knut posted this at 8:14 PM EDT on Sunday, May 25th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
