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In much the same way that Iraqis were once willing to put aside their differences to fight the Coalition, new intelligence shows that long-time schisms within the Animal Kingdom have been aside in their fight against humanity.
It’s only a matter of time before otters start riding ostriches. Ceterum censeo Regnum Bestiarum esse delendum!
Tom posted this at 9:11 AM EDT on Friday, September 26th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
Its seems that the Animal Threat has trained a crack team of amphibious bears, no doubt in response to such highly trained units as the Navy SeALs or Marine Recon. These Ursine Special Forces open up a new front of gorilla (yes, intended) style tactics, and secret teams of highly trained animal units.
God help us if they ever field a Panda Special Air Service Regiment.
Jamie posted this at 2:40 PM EDT on Thursday, September 11th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
We’ve just discovered that here in Texas there are flying roaches. They launched aerial attacks on my wife this evening as she tried to read.
The flying roaches have now discovered that I have purchased some new weaponry, a hand-held bug zapper similar to this. 2300 volts says the handle (actually, says “2300V VOLTS,” whatever that means), “THIS IS NOT A TOY.” For $8 at Wal-Mart and a AA battery, plainly it is.
After I discovered the intruder, the first swat created a bright blue spark and left him walking in circles. Then I hit him with a second electrified swat, which left him largely motionless except for some twitches. Then I hit him again, which got him caught up in the webbing of my swatter and caused a funny smell. He was still twitching, so I pressed the shock button, which made him twitch differently. I’m not an expert on insect nervous systems, so I couldn’t tell whether his twitches were post-mortem or the result of continued life. Shock. Watch. Twitch. Shock. Watch. Twitch. Shock. Watch. Twitch. Shock. Nothing.
Then I took the opportunity to point out to Dorothy some of the things that distinguished him as being Blattaria. Rounded head, segmented abdomen, overlapping wings, all those spines on his back legs. Then he twitched. So he went down the hole.
Apollo posted this at 2:41 AM EDT on Sunday, August 31st, 2008 as Vignettes, Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
From Florence King:
Animal rights activists gives disillusioned feminists an excuse to go back to being women protecting wee creatures without compromising their radical credentials.
(H/T)
Hubbard posted this at 6:46 PM EDT on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back, The Right Words
Yeah, those pandas are gonna die.
Knut posted this at 3:08 PM EDT on Wednesday, June 25th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back
This fight, monkey vs. tiger, shows why monkeys make for the most amusing fights.
Apollo posted this at 4:02 AM EDT on Sunday, June 8th, 2008 as Animal Kingdom Strikes Back