Michael Arth is a long shot gubernatorial candidate for Florida, but at least he has a sense of humor in his campaign biography, which opens thus:
Michael Edward Arth was born near Liverpool, England at a U.S. Air Force Base on April 27, 1953. In 1955 his parents moved to New Mexico. This was followed by a move to Midland, Texas where he was taught at a parochial school by the Sisters of the Immaculate Conception, all of whom were named Mary, but none of whom were immaculately conceived. His own mother however was born on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, but named Evelyn Yvonne instead of Mary.
The family genealogy is known quite well in the far distant past and the recent past, but it is the chain of ancestors in the middle that is less certain. More than 3.8 billion years ago his ancestors were rather rudimentary life forms that either immigrated to Earth on an asteroid or were cooked up in the primordial soup. Leaping forward to modern times, it appears that his mother is a mixture of black Irish and American melting pot, including perhaps some Native American. A family genealogy traces her side of the family back to some Irish kings, including “Art Boy Cavanaugh” and Dermot MacMurrough Kavanaugh, who was the 12th century scoundrel from Leinster who sold out the country to Henry II of England in order to save his tee-na-na from a neighboring tribal chieftan who wanted revenge for kidnapping his wife. The same genealogy also claims that the family’s ancestors came to Ireland from Greece in the 2nd century.
LONDON — Britain’s Home Secretary apologized Sunday for putting five pay-per-view movies on her parliamentary expense account _ including two X-rated ones screened by her husband.
Jacqui Smith admitted she should not have claimed any of the movies and said all the money would be paid back. She attributed the mistake to not being careful enough with a service package that included both Internet and TV….
“X-rated is not the same as porn,” the spokewoman said, refusing to elaborate. She spoke anonymously in line with government policy and would not release the names of the X-rated movies.
That last line deserves greater *ahem* fleshing-out. Fortunately, the BBC sitcom Coupling, had a lengthy and *cough* in depth *cough* discussion on exactly this matter (some NSFW dialouge).
His presidency may have mixed disaster with brilliance, but Nixon’s still my favorite presidential personality, largely because his is most similar to my own. A great anecdote for the day:
In 1938, in the midst of the real Great Depression, Richard Nixon, then working as an attorney in Whittier and La Habra, California, bought a stripped-down black two-door Oldsmobile (no heater or radio) and saved a little more money by picking it up at the factory in Michigan. He decided to take along his eight-year-old brother Edward. They hopped a train to Detroit, picked up the car, and then started home to Whittier. Ed said, “Dick handed me a map and said, ‘We’re going to Los Angeles, and we’re taking Route 66. If you can find a stretch of road that’s long and straight enough, I’l let you drive.’ He let me drive plenty, as it turned out.”
Will Rogers had died three years before, and so the brothers stopped off in Claremore, Oklahoma to see the Rogers Memorial, which had just opened. Richard pointed to a bronze plaque at the base of Rogers’ statue and asked his little brother to read out the humorist and commentator’s most famous quotation: “I never yet met a man that I didn’t like.”
As Ed tells it, “Dick said, ‘What do you think that means?’ I replied, ‘I guess it means he hasn’t met everyone yet’.”
Scrapple Face does a satirical piece that I actually wish would happen:
With the announcement that Sen. Judd Gregg (R-NH) has pulled out of his bid to become President Barack Obama’s Secretary of Commerce the Republican National Committee (RNC) today offered Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) as a replacement.
“Sen. Specter is a career lawyer and politician, but he’s a fast learner and could be quickly trained to run the Commerce Department,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “Of course, Republicans would miss his stalwart, reliable voting in the Senate. Conservatives never have to wonder how Arlen Specter will vote.”
White House insiders suggested Sen. Specter could get the same deal from Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell, former chair of the Democrat National Committee, that Sen. Gregg made with his state’s Democrat governor — to appoint a Republican replacement once he’s confirmed as Commerce Secretary.
However, Mr. Steele said such a concession would be unnecessary, since replacing Sen. Specter with a Democrat would be an “ideology-neutral” move.
A White House spokesman said Mr. Obama bears no hard feelings toward Judd Gregg, praising his abortive nominee as “a man who paid his taxes on time.”
The administration claims it’s still on-target to fulfill its number one goal for the first 100 days, which is to fill all cabinet posts.
“The president is all about creating and retaining jobs,” said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs. “However, at this pace there is some concern that getting an additional four million people hired may take more than one term of office.”
RNC Chairman Steele said he’s committed to helping the new president fill those jobs, and has also offered Maine Senators Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, whom he recommended as “team players, depending on which team you’re talking about.”
One can dream. . .
Hubbard posted this at 3:04 PM EST on Friday, February 13th, 2009 as Humor, Politics
At the in-laws, and I’m trying to figure out what the “Black Sesame Paste” in their cupboard is. Since I don’t read Mandarin, here’s the English description from the back:
It is a kind of Daifloon which can be eaten at first sight. The material of it is high quality black sesame, smelling rice, sugar. And it is made from modern new scientific schedule and formula by advanced product equipment. It is not contain artificial pigment, antiseptic. It has fresh color, delicious, special distinctive flavor, and full nutrition. It can be mixed as you like. It is smelling and sweet. It is very convenient to you for eating. And it can supply protein, plant crude fiber, fertilizer, mineral things and vitamin which are the basic need of a person. It is fit for all kinds of people. It is a good choice of family breakfast, lunch, a kind of food before you go to bed, and fast food in your travel.
After NPR’s appeals for donations, Mark Steyn is a breath of fresh air:
As you know, things got a little fractious here at NRO in the run-up to the election. Levin loathes Frum, and Frum loathes Ponnuru, and Ponnuru loathes Parker, and Parker loathes Goldberg, and Goldberg loathes Derb, and Derb loathes everyone. It isn’t easy keeping a pack of weasels in an online sack 24/7 without them tearing each other’s throats out. The anger-management costs alone are enormous.
So I hope you’ll consider making a donation to NRO. Every dollar helps, particularly now that the election is over and our extreme-right-wing bitterness and hatred is turned inward on ourselves. When I see Rich Lowry, I still feel like punching his lights out for falling for that bailout scam. So he could really use the beefed-up security detail at editorial meetings.
This is the funniest video I’ve seen in ages. I’d pay five, maybe six dollars to hear the guy with the mustache describe what he was thinking during this whole thing.
N.B. If anyone still has their panties in a wad over “her” clothes, note that her scarf is a Burberry knockoff. I can guarantee it wasn’t bought at Neiman’s or Saks.
Apollo posted this at 3:47 PM EST on Friday, November 21st, 2008 as Humor
