Behold!  The torso-enhancing shirt!

Dorothy posted this at 4:22 PM EDT on Friday, July 3rd, 2009 as I have seen the future. . ., Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

No Comments »

A couple of weeks ago, I was thinking to myself that we’d gone a little too long without a national Republican coming forward and admitting adultery. I thought about making a post on it, but then I realized that I’d invariably make semi-libelous guesses about who it would be.

In all honesty, the first guy who came to mind as a prime candidate was John Ensign. A guy who did not cross my mind was Mark Sanford. It’s sorta a shame, but always delightful to hear Democrats proclaim from on high that having an affair is, by itself, cause to resign.

Apollo posted this at 6:49 PM EDT on Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 as Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, I don't know--but it's a Tradition, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

2 Comments »

Apparently, Angelina Jolie is as beautiful as President Barack Obama is popular.

Dorothy posted this at 5:11 PM EDT on Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 as Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, Pop Culture Is Filth

4 Comments »

The British Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, has been caught in a rather embarrassing and silly scandal:

LONDON — Britain’s Home Secretary apologized Sunday for putting five pay-per-view movies on her parliamentary expense account _ including two X-rated ones screened by her husband.

Jacqui Smith admitted she should not have claimed any of the movies and said all the money would be paid back. She attributed the mistake to not being careful enough with a service package that included both Internet and TV….

“X-rated is not the same as porn,” the spokewoman said, refusing to elaborate. She spoke anonymously in line with government policy and would not release the names of the X-rated movies.

That last line deserves greater *ahem* fleshing-out. Fortunately, the BBC sitcom Coupling, had a lengthy and *cough* in depth *cough* discussion on exactly this matter (some NSFW dialouge).

Tom posted this at 7:45 PM EDT on Wednesday, April 1st, 2009 as Humor, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, Politics

No Comments »

When contemplating a mess that Napoleon had made, the chief of France’s secret police, Joseph Fouche, grimly said, “It was worse than a crime; it was an unforced error.”

In that light, we must consider Joe Conason’s view of the Obama-Blagojevich mess.

First, here’s an assessment of Conason from the prophet that still stands:

Conason made a name for himself defending Bill Clinton by attacking the people who attacked Bill Clinton. No matter what Bill Clinton did or said it didn’t matter because the other guys were worse. Conason always claims he’s doing real reporting, just-the-facts variety. That’s fine, and I’m sure it’s true. But it seems the only facts he ever comes back with are the ones best suited to help Bill Clinton. He’s like Yosemite Sam as a castaway in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Stuck on an island with nothing to eat but coconuts, Sam makes coconut alfredo, coconut à l’orange, coconut fricassee, coconut hash, etc. The only difference is that Yosemite Sam eventually gets fed up and yells “I hate coconuts!” But Conason’s appetite for creating Clinton-defending concoctions is inexhaustible.

So now when Conason criticizes Obama, attention must be paid:

The impulse to create distance between Obama and Blagojevich was understandable, given their common political roots in Chicago, but was excessive in its zeal and haste. By seeming to suggest that there had been no contact with the Illinois governor about appointing a new senator to replace him, Obama and his aides set up a scenario that could only be punctured by subsequent facts.

Indeed, Obama had every right and reason to be concerned with who might replace him in the Senate — and there was certainly nothing wrong with him or anyone who works for him engaging in discussions of that matter with Blagojevich. But as the scandal emerged, all such contacts suddenly seemed to carry a taint — an impression that Obama seemed to affirm. Reflexively but wrongly, he behaved as if no such discussions had occurred, without quite saying so.

So when the Chicago Tribune reported that Rahm Emanuel had in fact discussed the Senate appointment with Blagojevich or his aides on nearly two dozen occasions, it meant trouble. There is no indication that the incoming White House chief of staff engaged in any illegal or unethical conduct. There is certainly no indication that those contacts were “inappropriate.” But the revelation encouraged every insinuation that Obama and his staff are somehow obscuring the real nature and extent of their relationship with the disgraced governor.

This political problem arose in part because Obama was so eager to appear purer than any politician can actually be. In his initial statements, he sounded as if he was trying to say that he knew nothing at all about the selection of his successor. “I had no contact with the governor or his office and so we were not, I was not aware of what was happening,” he told the press, and refused to elaborate.

That remark clarified nothing; today it seems like obfuscation at best and prevarication at worst. Nobody is likely to believe that Emanuel spoke more than 20 times with Blagojevich or the governor’s aide John Harris without informing Obama about those conversations. To insist that he had “no contact” when his top aide was involved in so many contacts is precisely the kind of parsing that undermines confidence.

If these shadows remain unaltered, the Obama presidency will be the golden age of the unforced error. Conason understands this. For Democrats and Republicans alike, the question will be how do we handle what Obama will throw at us?

It’s going to be an interesting 4 years.

Hubbard posted this at 10:40 AM EST on Friday, December 19th, 2008 as Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, Politics, The Past Is Never Dead--It Isn't Even Past

1 Comment »

A man is  having sex with his “estranged” wife. He reaches for something(?) on the nightstand and “accidentally” sets off a pistol, shooting her in the chest. What was he then arrested for? That’s right – violating a restraining order. You might think there’d be a consensual sex exception to those things, but then you’d be wrong.

Apollo posted this at 10:52 PM EST on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008 as Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, The Law Is An Ass--An Idiot

No Comments »

The government is “investing” another $20 billion into Citibank. Obama says his “stimulus” package is up to $700 billion. This is on top of the $700 billion we’ve already sunk. Some guy on Fox yesterday said with a straight face that we’re looking at multiple years with deficits of more than $1 trillion.

A suggestion: Why not just have a bailout of $∞? That would probably shore up our financial system, and might get the economy firing on some additional cylinders. So long as we’re “borrowing” play money, why not do it for reals?

Apollo posted this at 2:38 AM EST on Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 as It's Economics - Stupid!, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

2 Comments »

Here’s George Will, who writes a column devoted entirely to how John McCain and Sarah Palin don’t understand the Constitution. In doing so, he peddles such nonsense about the thing that I’m left curious where, exactly, he got his copy. From his strange desire to make himself look smarter than Sarah Palin, he winds up making her look like the second coming of John Marshall in comparison. I hope Will one day regains his senses and is embarrassed about this.

Apollo posted this at 12:02 AM EDT on Saturday, November 1st, 2008 as Conservatism, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, We don't need no stinkin' Constitution

5 Comments »

From CNN:

Motorcycle accidents have killed more Marines in the past 12 months than enemy fire in Iraq, a rate that’s so alarming it has prompted top brass to call a meeting to address the issue, officials say.

Twenty-five Marines have died in motorcycle crashes since last November — all but one of them involving sport bikes that can reach speeds of well over 100 mph, according to Marine officials. In that same period, 20 Marines have been killed in action in Iraq.

That’s quite an odd way to spin such news, but I’m hardly surprised.  Also of note is that — assuming recent figures remained constant — significantly more US Military personnel died this year from illness, homicide, and suicide than from hostile action.  I’m calling for an investigation.

Tom posted this at 10:34 AM EDT on Friday, October 31st, 2008 as Journalism, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

No Comments »

Jonathan Chait does a puppet show.  It must be seen to be believed.  The staff here at The Federalist Paupers is not liable for any emotional damage sustained by so viewing the aforementioned show.

Hubbard posted this at 3:08 PM EDT on Tuesday, October 28th, 2008 as Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

No Comments »

At least if you’re Madonna:

Lawyers for the singer, who was widely believed to be the dominant partner in the marriage, are putting together a dossier of incidents.

They include allegations that he told her she ‘looked like a granny’ on stage compared with her younger backing dancers. He is also alleged to have declared that she could not act, and was ‘past it’ after she turned 50.

On the one hand, a few white lies may be necessary for the maintenance of a good marriage. On the other hand, if you’re Guy Ritchie and you wake up one morning and notice that the woman you married suddenly looks like this, perhaps it’s time to tell the truth. If she takes your words to heart, perhaps she’ll realize that aging gracefully is more attractive than the result of fighting nature tooth and nail. And if she doesn’t…well, at least  you no longer have to sacrifice virgins each night to keep your wife looking like that.

Apollo posted this at 5:09 PM EDT on Saturday, October 18th, 2008 as Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

No Comments »

So what happens when a long-time stalwart of the anti-abortion movement endorses Obama and then spends months writing op-eds explaining his decision? Doug Kmiec is no longer in the anti-abortion camp:

Sometimes the law must simply leave space for the exercise of individual judgment, because our religious or scientific differences of opinion are for the moment too profound to be bridged collectively. When these differences are great and persistent, as they unfortunately have been on abortion, the common political ideal may consist only of that space. This does not, of course, leave the right to life undecided or unprotected. Nor for that matter does the reservation of space for individual determination usurp for Caesar the things that are God’s, or vice versa. Rather, it allows this sensitive moral decision to depend on religious freedom and the voice of God as articulated in each individual’s voluntary embrace of one of many faiths.

So because people disagree over the subject, we can’t make laws protecting human life. You say it’s one thing, I say it’s the other, so let’s just let everyone do their thing. But of course, that’s the case for every law. If people always agreed with the laws, there would be no criminals. Because the mafia thinks extortion is a proper way of life, should that also be legalized? Who are we to judge how God’s voice is articulated in each individual’s voluntary embrace of one of many faiths?*

But of course, extortion isn’t commonly seen as a religious issue. Neither should abortion be seen as such, and it makes me cranky that Kmiec is now giving into the pro-abortion position that differences over abortion are simply religious differences. We’re not talking the final resting place of souls or at what point in time transubstantiation occurs. We’re talking about the willful destruction of things that can only be described as human beings. No one looks at murder or rape as religious matters, they are correctly seen as moral matters that should be addressed by people any or no faith. Abortion should be no different.

Even if every organized religion on earth said that abortion was permissible, that would not make it so as a moral matter. The faiths of the planet were once united behind the permissibility of slavery, but no one now addresses what the voice of God articulates to each individual about enslaving other men. Slavery is wrong because it is wrong; it defies and defiles the natural law that we all understand within ourselves, independent of our interpretation of the almighty.

So Kmiec here has done several wrongs. He has spent time encouraging those who oppose abortion to support the most pro-abortion** candidate in the history of the country. He has defined down abortion to a mere theoretical religious question to be bickered over, instead of a legal regime that allows millions of human beings to be destroyed. And he has talked himself into accepting the position of the other side in the most contentious social issue of the last two generations. This should indeed be a lesson for abortion foes who vote for a pro-abortion candidate and attempt to rationalize it.

*Isn’t that one of the most flippantly relativist lines imaginable? I can’t think of anything it wouldn’t excuse.

**Would anyone call a mid-19th century politician “anti-slavery” if he supported and defended Dred Scott’s expansion of legalized slavery over the whole of the country, but then said what we should be doing is persuading southerners to free their slaves under the current legal system? That is what Obama does when he calls himself “anti-abortion.” Slavery is wrong because it destroys the freedom of one human being for the convenience of another. If abortion is wrong, it is wrong because it destroys a human being for the convenience of another. If you believe that to be the case, you cannot support the legalization of abortion, even if you accept that others disagree. Such a position might make sense on tax policy or other issues where the moral imperatives are not so pressing. But if you think the destruction of human life is merely a matter of individual interpretation, you are not anti-abortion.

Apollo posted this at 1:59 PM EDT on Saturday, October 18th, 2008 as Kulturkampf, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

7 Comments »

From the usually sensible Volokh Conspiracy, regarding the last weeks’ financial weirdness:

And I don’t know about you all, but really, I sure wish that we had someone like Sarah Palin calling the shots here — nothing like someone who knows absolutely nothing about the issues to steer us through a potentially planet-wide financial meltdown, eh?

As opposed to Barrack Obama, John McCain, or, really, any number of political whiz kids who understand this issue completely? I agree that I’m not confident in Palin’s knowledge of this issue, but I can’t name a single politician whose knowledge I would be confident in. Perhaps Phil Gramm, but I wouldn’t trust his political abilities to get his fixes through.

The Palin attacks that drive me nuts are the ones that are applicable to everyone but only get pointed out for her. After her speech the Democrat talking point was that she *gasp* had a speechwriter. Now she doesn’t know anything about the financial “crisis.” But, of course, the last president who had a broad understanding of economics before being elected was Herbert Hoover, and look where that got us.

What’s more distressing than Palin’s presumed ignorance on this subject is Obama and McCain pretending like they’re not ignorant of the subject. If one of the candidates knew what he didn’t know, that would be a lot more comforting.

Apollo posted this at 4:18 PM EDT on Sunday, September 21st, 2008 as Audacity of Hype, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!

No Comments »

As Hurricane Ike passes, there’s certainly a lot of destruction. My part of Texas didn’t get more than a little wind last night, but the images look bad for Galveston and elsewhere.

I’ve been talking to a lot of people from Houston in the last week, and the first hurricane they always mention is Rita, which seems to be a joke with a self-contained punchline. Back in ‘05, in the face of dire predictions of destruction, oodles of people suffered through long, congested, and hot evacuations to avoid Rita, only to have the storm go somewhere else entirely. At least until yesterday, simply saying “Rita” was a fully sufficient reason not to evacuate, no matter what the predictions. We’ve heard lots of people on the radio and television describe distrust of government predictions as their reason not to evacuate.

Whatever destruction Ike leaves behind, the fact is that it cannot possibly live up to the standard of destruction those boobs at the National Weather Service have predicted. I’m not sure who came up with the idea to tell people that they faced “certain death” by remaining in Galveston, but he should be fired.

The deadliest hurricane in American history was the 1900 Galveston Hurricane. At the time, no point on the island was as much as 10 feet above sea level, and there was no sea wall. There was also 19th century quality construction and medical care. After the storm the first outside help took a day to arrive. That hurricane produced winds well over 120 miles per hour, and a 15 foot storm surge that simply washed across the island from front to back. The city was caught largely at unawares. Out of 42,000 residents, 8,000 died. That’s 19%, nearly one in five. Even if 4 out of 5 people survived, those are terrible odds to risk your life in, and obviously the most intelligent thing to have done, had they known it was coming, would have been to evacuate.

But, importantly, even that terrible storm did not produce anything approximating “certain death.” In fact, it produced something more like “strong likelihood of survival while suffering trauma of some sort.” Given the differences between quality of construction in 1900 and 2008, the presence of a 15 foot seawall, the certainty that outside help would arrive within a few hours…”certain death” was several steps above and beyond hyperbole.

I am not saying that people should have stayed; I would have evacuated had I been near where the storm made landfall. But what I am saying is that each time some government agency uses over-the-top dire predictions, that just means more people will discount what gets said the next time. If a Category 2 storm produces predictions of “certain death,” what sort of language can be used to describe future, worse storms? “You will be vaporized”? “This hurricane will hunt down your family members in other states and remove your genes from the evolutionary pool”? “This hurricane will travel back in time and kill your mother before you were born”? Once you’ve used the “certain death” line on a Category 2 storm, I just don’t know what you say for a Category 4 or 5. But I do know that whatever gets said, more people will ignore it than would have if the National Weather Service consistently used believable predictions of damage and risk.

Apollo posted this at 4:40 PM EDT on Saturday, September 13th, 2008 as Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, Politics and the English Language

3 Comments »

Sarah Palin’s qualifications have been a topic of discussion in the last couple of weeks. Which, hilariously, brought up the issue of Obama’s qualifications, which seem lacking, to say the least.

Finally, however, Obama has come up with an area where he is more qualified than John McCain.

“Our economy wouldn’t survive without the Internet, and cyber-security continues to represent one our most serious national security threats,” Pfeiffer said. “It’s extraordinary that someone who wants to be our president and our commander in chief doesn’t know how to send an e-mail.”

Thankfully, after much exhortation that the media was focusing on insubstantial issues (like their own lack of knowledge of the origin of popular phrases), the Obama campaign gives us a substantive distinction between the two campaigns. I’m uncertain how I will sleep tonight knowing that a man so unqualified as John McCain might become president. He’ll probably just open the first .exe file some spammer sends him and delete Article VI of the Constitution, or maybe launch some missiles while trying to browse the google.

N.B. It’s worth remembering how the current president had to stop corresponding with friends via email because it was deemed that even his personal email would be considered public records. So even though Obama has an obvious advantage in this critical area of national security, I’m uncertain how beneficial to the country his knowledge would be.

Update: You stay classy, Barry. Expect this to blow up. Like dynamite.

Apollo posted this at 9:24 AM EDT on Friday, September 12th, 2008 as Audacity of Hype, Journalism, Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be!, Science & Evolution

No Comments »